Do you feel like this?
When I was diagnosed with BPD it was a major relief. After years of walking on the tight rope that is BPD, I now had some name for the whole bundle of confusion that was ‘me’. I breathed a sigh of relief
If you have been diagnosed recently or way back in time, how did you feel? I’m sure quite a few of you fellow BPDs also felt some amount of relief thinking “My world sort of makes sense now”. You knew you weren’t crazy or simply going mad.
No. I am Fine.
On the other hand, you probably, flat out denied your diagnosis. No. I am normal. Yes, it is difficult to accept a mental illness diagnosis and not everyone will instantly accept it. Denial is the first stage that a person goes through when given a serious diagnosis or even when going through grief. We simply don’t want to accept that there is a concern with us and at times feel that it’s others that need to be diagnosed, be it our family, partners, friends, or colleagues. When we deny the existence of something, we do nothing about it – it simply doesn’t exist! If you are in this difficult space, give yourself a chance; try to talk to someone you trust and open your heart out. Understand your fears and talk about them. Read up on BPD and try to get your mind around the fact that having BPD does not mean you are “Abnormal”. It simply means you are different and deal with life differently than others. The sooner you embrace your diagnosis, the sooner you will be on your path to recovery.
Looking for answers
Well, okay, now I have BPD. Now what? The most common reaction is to hit Google with a vengeance. Search, search, search. What is BPD? What are the symptoms? And, most importantly – Why do I have it?
While it’s great to educate yourself on your disorder, it can be a challenging task. There is so much information out there and while some of it makes sense, a lot of it can make you feel depressed, unwanted and ugly inside out! When you come face-to-face with the symptoms and start to tick them off in your head, you can actually begin to get quite overwhelmed with how much BPD involves. You may start to remember old relationships, events and feelings that now make sense. I remember telling my then partner that I have BPD, with a big smile on my face. I’m sure he was convinced right then that I was barking mad! He, and many others, don’t understand or comprehend the degree of relief that you feel to finally know what is wrong with you.
But with this relief comes pain, fear, anxiety, and a whole lot of helplessness. However, hold on and don’t give up on yourself. Yes, you have a long road to healing ahead of you. But that cant be bad because it means you have a long life ahead of you.
Having a ‘Personality disorder’ does not mean you are a bad person or you’re broken and need to be fixed, Yes, some days you may feel that way, but realize that you are not alone in this chaos – there are ways and means to get better. Believe me, everyone is trying to get better – even those that don’t have BPD. So take it in your stride, accept it, and be ready to love yourself even if you feel like no one else does.
Life could be much worse
Remember that life could be much worse. You are alive, you know what you are dealing with and you can get help. The fact that you’re reading this means that you are on the path to healing and empowering yourself. Trust yourself. Slowly, as you begin to understand BPD and yourself better, you will realize that there are ways to manage your life and lead a full and rewarding life with or without BPD! Every person has their own struggles, their own demons.
This is ours. And we can beat it!