Giving others power over you and your moods

Someone says something hurtful to us and we sulk and go into a depression. A stranger looks at us with some kind of  expression that we don’t understand, we think they are judging us negatively. Almost anyone can affect our mood and the way we feel. Sometimes we are like an open wound – the slightest touch can hurt us immensely and the slightest friction can make us bleed. Especially so, when a person who’s important to us causes this friction. Do we want this to happen?

I wish I could be like a piece of wood

There are times when we don’t want to feel anything at all – neither cheerful, nor happy, nor sad. We are so tired of all these emotions turning us and our world upside down that we want to be like an object – a piece of wood. It would be so much easier to have no emotions at all; to go through life without  being on a constant roller coaster ride. But this is not possible. And thank God it’s not! How awful to feel no happiness and peace, or love and excitement when good things happen. If I have to choose between ‘all’ or ‘nothing’, I will without doubt choose ‘all’.

Handing over the keys to your mind

It is possible to be at normal levels – even for a BPD. You are the only person who can decide what and how to feel. Do not hand over the keys to your mind to someone else. When someone says something mean, decide to ignore it or replace the comment in your mind with a counter-comment. For example, your partner says “You’re in a really bad mood today, aren’t you?” Don’t allow this comment to become your reality. Say in your mind “Maybe she is wrong. I’m just a little relaxed and quiet.” This statement you make to yourself may not be totally true but it is better than giving in and saying to yourself “Yes, I’m in a really bad mood today.” No one can control your mind but you. Yes, some things in the mind are not in our control but that does not mean that we give up on everything and be like puppets.

Why cause yourself pain?

Anger and pain can sometmes push us to revenge. So your partner said you’re in a bad mood, now you want to punish her/him. You decide “I will not talk to him for three days”. But you know what… this will only end up hurting you. Taking revenge takes a lot of energy and determination. With the kind of fleeting moods we have, it’s even more difficult. And worst of all, it will trouble and cause us pain more than anyone else. So the best option is to be strong and let it go. Maybe they’re in a bad mood – that’s possible right?

Don’t allow anybody to have power over you and how you feel. Take things slow and hold on to your keys – they belong to only you!

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