Promiscuity in BPD
One of the symptoms of BPD is promiscuity – having sex with multiple partners. To add to the chaos of it, these partners could also be of the same gender – bisexuality. The reasons why a person with BPD may have sex with multiple partners is not very clear. One definite reason is impulsive and risky behaviour which is a symptom of BPD. Also, BPDs have low self- image and low self- esteem which leads to compensatory behaviour that makes them feel better and less unloved and insecure. Further, not all BPDs do this. Risky and impulsive behaviour are traits of BPD but not every BPD may have these traits.
When you find out your Partner has BPD
So, when a person finds out that their partner has BPD, they tend to automatically mistrust them. On the other hand, it takes a lot of reassurance, patience, love and affection for a person with BPD to trust another person. Often they themselves have been cheated on, or abandoned by previous partners or even family members. So a BPD may use what’s called a ‘Defence Mechanism’ which is a behaviour that a person indulges in, in order to keep him/herself feel protected and safe. Projection is one such Defence Mechanism in which a person ‘projects’ onto someone else what he or she actually is or does. So, if a partner is cheating on you, she or he will project that cheating as something that you are doing to him/her. A person with BPD may assume you are cheating on them and then they will go out and reverse the problem by cheating on you.
Handling a BPD relationship
Please be well informed that not all BPDs have multiple sex partners. Further, a person with BPD has the full capability to be loving, trustworthy and committed. A person with BPD needs more compassion and a person she can trust completely, than a non-BPD. If you have a BPD partner, keep communication open, be transparent and compassionate with them and provide a strong feeling of trust and acceptance in the relationship. Make sure you use positive communication and avoid criticism that is not very useful. Also, make sure your BPD partner gets regular therapy and takes his/her medication. Yes, you will need to do more for a person with BPD than you will a non-BPD but remember all her good points and accept the challenge – it’s a simple challenge – Love, Acceptance, Respect and Support. And remember that it’s not going to be like this forever – people with BPD do heal and get better with time, with the right treatment and support – especially from people close to them.