Borderlines have many fears that can be real or imagined. Either way, these fears can almost cripple them with anxiety.
- He/she is going to leave me.
- I am alone. I will always be alone.
- I wont be able to manage a job – I will be fired.
- I will fall seriously ill. I will die.
- No one loves me or ever will.
- I will never get better.
- I always hurt the people I love.
- No one understands me; everyone hurts me.
- People take advantage of me. People use me.
- I am a useless person.
- I am not worth anything.
- I don’t know who I am. I am no one.
These and many other thoughts haunt us borderlines. We live in fear. We expect the worst. We have no faith in anything – life will surely be a disaster for us.
It’s very tough to live a normal life with thoughts like this running in and out of our heads throughout the day. These fears cause anxiety and cripples us and makes us want to simply disappear into thin air! It’s not that we want to die or that we necessarily want to end our lives. Yes, we do want to live, but life with these thoughts and fears makes us feel like our bodies are inside out and the smallest touch can hurt like a burning fire.
The worst part is, we cannot even share these thoughts with anyone for fear that they will think we are seeking attention.
Are these fears Real?
For us, yes they are. But hold on a second – we do have a mind that also accomodates other thoughts right? It’s not like these are the only thoughts we think. We do enjoy a good meal, a good movie, a good book and other things. Further, there are days when we feel good. There are days when we feel happy. It’s not all and always a downward spiral. When we meet someone new that we like, we do feel happy and hopeful – what happens later is not what we are talking about right now. What we are talking about is that there are times when we are ‘up’.
The question is, how do we maintain these positive feelings. For us this is tough. But the good news is that we now realize that it’s not all ‘down’. Accept this and allow yourself to feel hopeful.
Have all these Fears come true?
Let’s be honest – the answer is no. Yes, some of these fears may actually have materialized. But on the other hand some of them have not. Are you alive? Well, if you are reading this, you most certainly are! Have you ever had a person in your life who loved you? Yes, right? It may not have lasted for whatever reasons, but love did happen. Have you ever done something that someone else appreciated? Surely you must have. So can you actually say you are ‘useless’? You are NOT!
What we need to understand and accept is that these fears are just ‘fears’. And everyone, borderline or not, has fears. So we are not alone on the fear wagon. And, not all of these fears have actually come to pass.
What do I do with these fears?
Nothing. You let them enter your mind and then you let them exit. Yes, you can develop this ability. Sit down with a paper and pen and write down all your fears, all your worries. Let it all pour out onto that sheet of paper. Now, read them and be totally honest – no one else is going to read this and you do not need to ‘perform’ or behave in any way that will please others. This is just you and a sheet of paper. Now strike out or cancel all those fears that did not take place. If you are honest with yourself, you will have struck out at least a few of them. It is impossible that all our fears have come true – you know why? Because we are not magicians or Gods! We cannot predict the future.
So, if even one or two or more fears have not taken place ask yourself – is all this bad stuff really going to happen to me? Are my fears and anxieties accurate? The simple answer is no. A fear is just a thought – it is not an object that you can touch; it is not real. What does this mean?
- Everybody has fears
- Not all fearful events happen
- I can relax
When you have fearful thoughts remind yourself of these points. Try not to delve or focus on the thought. Nothing is ‘permanent’. Even the sun sets. Even darkness is replaced with light every morning. Remember the good things that have happened in your life and believe that more good things will surely happen – it’s simply how life works. Things change. A leaf dries up and falls, another leaf takes its place. It may be difficult at first, but as you practice positive thinking and allow yourself to believe that even good things do happen, you will feel much peace.
Accept the peace.