There are many things that non-BPDs say that hurt us BPDs very badly. Here are some such comments:
1) “Get over it.”
Something has happened that stresses us out and makes us very anxious or even depressed. We have no control over it. We become quiet and unresponsive or we get agitated and keep talking about it. For other people, they don’t consider what happened to be a very big thing – but for us it’s a massive event. So hearing the words “Get over it” makes us feel that the other person is diminishing the seriousness of what has happened and assuming that we are simply doing ‘drama’.
2) “You’re a Drama Queen”
People don’t seem to be able to understand why we make mountains out of molehills – why we hurt for small things. They think we are over-reacting and also possibly that we are enjoying the drama of it all! We don’t want the attention; in actuality, we just do not want to feel the way we do.
3) “It’s all in your head”
Of course it is! But does that make the situation any better? Non-BPDs don’t realize the seriousness of BPD. They feel it’s just something ‘psychological’, and by this they mean it is of no real importance. Many people are not interested in psychology and consider it to be nonsense.
4) “What’s your problem man?”
A very upsetting question. Yes there is a problem – that others don’t understand it, does in no way make it diminish. This question is almost like a slap in the face to a BPD.
5) “It’s not your BPD, it’s you!”
Where do we draw the line between what is a BPD behaviour and what is not? Can we take the risk of assuming? Can we attempt to ‘straighten out’ the BPD? This question is like an accusation – an attack.
6) “Stop pitying yourself”
This one hits below the belt! It makes us feel small and unimportant. How can you say whether a person is genuinely trying to explain his or her feelings to you, hoping for understanding, or whether they are just indulging in a pity party?