Be aware that this post can be harsh. It is direct, to the point and factual. It is not meant to demotivate or distress you but it is certainly meant to show you the true face of Borderline Personality Disorder and what it can do to you. If you ignore BPD and quit or don’t seek treatment it can have devastating effects on the person with BPD as well as family, partners and friends. For some time everything will seem manageable. You may even feel high that you’re doing okay. You may feel like you are different and you can handle it. But, it is only a matter of time before the walls come crashing in.
The first thing to crash – your relationships
The most easily affected area is people. There will be fights, arguments and many conflicts. You will be unable to think straight and your levels of suspicion and negative thoughts and emotions will rise to the fore. Your thoughts will confuse you and create anger and this anger will come out in a rage. When we have conflicts with the people we interact with or worse, live with, it can affect life on a daily basis. This means there will be no peace every waking day. If you take your medication and continue with therapy, there will be peace and quiet in your relationships. There is no real choice here – if you want peace, seek treatment or you will end up miserable and alone.
This is common in people with BPD. It is a part of the previous point – relationships – but I thought I’d mention it separately because broken marriages are common in BPD relationships. I have faced this myself when my five year marriage ended. Your partner can only take so much. If you push any human being to the limit, they will have no choice but to leave. And this is our greatest fear and something we cause and bring upon ourselves. Yes, the husband/wife needs to be supportive but they are not super humans and neither are they saints or martyrs. When a person is pushed too much, they will invariably crack. Marriages require work on the part of both spouses and if one is not able to contribute to the wellness of the marriage it puts an unfair strain on the other partner and he or she may choose to give up.
Loss of employment
When you work, you do not always work in an environment devoid of people. So you notice something? We are on the third point and are still talking about people. That’s how destructive BPD canyou’re your bosses, your colleagues and your customers will not be spared from the effects of BPD. They will all see it and witness its effects sooner or later. Disagreements with the boss will lead to challenges that may result in the boss asking you to leave. Remember one thing, your job does not need you, you need your job. Anyone can take your place. You are not indispensable. For every position in any company there are many hopeful and possible employees that can take the job. If you have to be let go, the company will not suffer – they will simply replace you – but you will suffer. We all need money to live a decent life. We can’t expect our partners or families to take care of us financially – we are not kids anymore. Also, don’t fool yourself with the thought that if not this job, you will get another, because guess what… you will lose the next job as well. So, make sure you continue your treatment to keep your job and to earn enough to feed yourself and pay your bills.
So you lost your partner, your family, your friends and your job. What now? What’s left to lose now? Yourself. When we have no one left to lash out on, to argue with or to fight with, we start doing all of this with ourselves. We start to hate and blame ourselves and pour all the negativity upon ourselves. We have mental self-fights blaming and cursing ourselves for everything that has happened as well as everything that we have imagined has happened. We may start to self-harm – cutting, burning and so on. We may start to binge eat or drink alcohol, take drugs or overdoes on them, miss our medication or stop taking them entirely – which only compounds the problem. Frequent hospitalizations are common with people with BPD. If you can pay for these hospitalizations well good, if not (You have probably already lost your job), you’re in deep trouble. Having no one or nowhere else to go, we go inwards. Need I say what this can do? It will destroy you. Period.
Bad health & Suicide
So, you’re not in your 20s anymore. You are 30 or maybe 40. Your body is not as tough and resilient as it used to be. Maybe you have diabetes or high blood pressure. Maybe you are hypothyroid and your body is not cooperating as well as it used to, to all your overdoses and violence. When you are in your 20s your body can handle an overdose or a painful hospitalization. What happens when it can’t? Maybe the last time you were hospitalized, they were able to set you up on a drip using a vein from your arm. Now you’re older, they can’t reach your vein, now they need to set you up with a vein from your neck. No, my friend, this is not pretty. I’ve been there and know just how horrible it can be. The worst thing of all would be if no one came to your rescue and you did not manage to go to the hospital yourself. What happens then? You could simply die. How horrible! Especially if you did not really want to die. It has been found that 10% of all borderline suicides succeed. Do you want to succeed? Or do you just want help? Find that help and pull yourself together.
For a few days you will feel happy and almost euphoric. You will feel like you beat BPD and you are doing fine and it was actually the meds that made you feel drugged, sluggish and lousy. Understand something – the medication you take has something called a ‘half-life’. This means simply that the drugs remain in your blood and body for a few days even after you stop taking them. This remaining medication helps you to still function. But as soon as the medication is totally metabolized and gone from your body, the effects of BPD will start. You will crash into a deep limitless, unending low. You will not be able to bear it. You will be confused. If you have no one in your life to talk to during this time, you could crash completely. It could be the end for you. And why? Not because you wanted it to end, but because you simply experimented with quitting your medication. So, keep taking your meds until a doctor tells you to quit any given tablet. There is nothing wrong with being dependent on medication. There are children born with diabetes who learn to take injections themselves and live this way all their lives, you are just taking a few tablets. Remember, it could have been much worse.
I’ll keep it simple – seek treatment. Take your meds. Continue with therapy. You have a mental disorder and it can be managed. Remind yourself – it could be worse.